Facebook needs to embrace the Dark Side… Top 14 Things We Need To Know About On Facebook (That They Don’t Want To Tell Us): 14) “Bob is no longer friends with Bill.” If two people are no longer friends, I want to know about it! “Diane logged in yesterday and viewed Margot’s page but did not wish her a happy birthday.” I wonder why not? “Doug has written on Michelle’s wall 3 times in the last 10 days.” Doesn’t that seem a little much? ...
This is what you would hear when you call me and I don’t pick up. Vote on which one you like best and I’ll use the winner on my iPhone: Hi it’s Andrew. Our menu options have recently changed… Hi it’s Andrew. Thank you for not texting me. Hi it’s Andrew. Please leave a message and have a great week. Note how much nicer I am than people who just say “have a nice day”. I’m actually wishing you 7 times as much niceness as they are. ...
11) Hot Mess sauce I don’t think this exists yet (thus #11) but it’s still top 15 on the name alone. If anyone recently invented a sauce and needs a name I would be willing to license you the naming rights. There is no way people could see “covered in Hot Mess Sauce” on a menu and not order it. Duck Sauce Not necessarily tops in QUALITY but that tends to be made up for with QUANTITY. Do I really need a full quart of duck sauce to dip five chicken fingers? Probably not. But most Chinese restaurants don’t want to risk it. ...
For reference, please see: Top 10 Email Signatures Part 1 10) Take Care, but not too much, Andrew 9) Oozing with Sincerity, Andrew 8) I BCC’d someone but I’m not going to tell you who, Andrew 7) Not “Sent from my iPhone” but I still want to point out that I do have an iPhone, Andrew 6) Andrew “likes” this email, Andrew 5) Dripping with Excellence, Andrew 4) Sent from My Couch, Andrew 3) Now would be a good time to scroll up and click “Reply”, Andrew 2) The New Slickness, Andrew 1) You should have already figured out by now who sent this, Andrew …You’re Welcome, Andrew
Tips for marketing yourself on Facebook. Because there is no more important brand image to maintain than your own.  Part 1 of a two-part series.... 13) Constantly update your Status This one is a no brainer. If you don’t update your status then why would you even bother marketing yourself via Facebook. If this applies to you, then I suggest that you focus your efforts instead on helping to improve my facebook brand image. ...
The eagerly anticipated Part 2… 7) Do not Tag Photos on the same day that you upload them. This will encourage people to view all of your photos instead of just the ones that they are tagged in. Then, go back and tag all of these photos a day or two later. This second step is essential so that your act of Tagging appears in people's News Feeds for a second time (in addition to the time when you simply uploaded).  6) Do not comment on photos on the same day that you upload or tag them. This is for the same reason as in \#7. Upload photos for attention. Comment on them later for more attention... 5) Encourage people to change their settings so that YOU appear in their News Feed more frequently. Direct them to the lower left box on this page: http://www.new.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/feed_prefs.php 4) Toggle your Profile Picture constantly. This is vital. It is done to increase the number of times that you appear in other people's News Feeds. They will see not just your name, but a visual image to help keep you top of mind. Keep in mind that you do not need a constant supply of new pictures. Simply choose your best ones and toggle back and forth between them. 3) Call attention to your Relationship Status by toggling it back and forth to "Single". This is #4, only applied to a different component of your profile. It is recommended for females only and is executed by changing your relationship status from "Single" to no relationship status listed. Now check your Wall and delete the evidence (the line item that says "Charlize is no longer single"). Wait a day, then go ahead and toggle it back to "Single". Your wall will now show a nice fresh new message reminding the world that "Charlize is now single".  2) Properly format your Profile Picture Thumbnail. People will see this version of your profile picture more often than the entire photo itself, so it is vital that the thumbnail doesn't cut off your head. 1) Only allow other people to "co-star" in your Profile Picture strategically. Do not take this lightly. As Confusious probably would have said, were he still alive: "When in doubt, cut them out." Others should only be allowed to appear alongside you when they are a clear value-add. Examples include: Someone of the opposite sex that is impressively hot, someone that is known to be good looking but happens not to look good in this picture (on a relative basis you will look good next to them), a cute baby, a cute dog, etc, etc. ...You're Welcome
In case the finding a job thing didn’t work out for you this summer, here are some terrible business ideas… www.Things-Ebay-Won’t-Let-You-Auction-Off-But-We-Will.com Sort of like being able to waltz onto an airplane with a bagful of liquids and a vodka laced Slurpee. I’m pretty sure eBay won’t let you auction off a vodka laced Slurpee on their website, but we sure as hell will. www.RandomLetterGenerator.com > Like with numbers, but with letters. ...
These tend to work best on your Work email: 10) Thanks in advance for not screwing this up, Andrew 9) Tepid Wishes, Andrew 8) Highest Available Regards, Andrew 7) You don’t have to thank me, Andrew 6) 97% Lie Free, Andrew 5) Watch your back, Andrew 4) Most non-sarcastically yours, Andrew 3) Almost 100% Sincerely, Andrew 2) Thank you for reading all the way to the bottom, Andrew 1) …You’re Welcome, Andrew If you liked this, please see: Top 10 Email Signatures Part 2 …You’re Welcome